Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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