So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
