I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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