The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
