her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am naked and annoyed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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