I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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