Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
