i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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