cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
