As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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