I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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