We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
