She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
