Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
