did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
