At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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