I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
