I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
