i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
