whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
