I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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