it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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