trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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