i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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