i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
