He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
