You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
