they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
ttyl tear gas
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
