we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
