Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
