my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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