Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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