in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
