i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
