Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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