Sry I called you an 8
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
