you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
