so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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