JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
