It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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