My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
