marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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