She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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