dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
