she told me i tasted like america
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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