We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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