Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
