Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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