Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
