I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
