only if we run a train.
done.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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