i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
