ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
