Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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